Thursday, 23 May 2013

Task 24: Personal review of the second year.

Where do you want to go?
I don't know.
How do you get there?
No idea.

Not very inspirational or ambitious unfortunately, but true. Thinking too far into the future tends to overwhelm and scare me, which makes doing anything daunting. So I prefer to try not think much about where I'm going, I just try to keep moving forward.

This doesn't sound like a very good life plan I know but it seems to be working out for me so far. I didn't think I was ever going to get back into education until just before I went to college, there wasn't all that much thought going into it, I just went to an open enrolment and got the place. That lead onto doing a Foundation Degree at De Montfort and that led onto the Game Art degree. I didn't attend an open day or visit other Universities. It all just happened one after the other without much planning. So everything seems to working out for me so far.

I didn't really come to University thinking something amazing and magical was going to happen and I'd suddenly start getting awesome. I was actually really worried that I would spend 3 years at Uni (if I was lucky) and not improve at all. I was sure I'd fail and that is due to huge amount of self doubt and having no confidence. So the fact I'm still here is a sign that things are going reasonably well.

I've come to understand more each year that art isn't something that can be taught. You can't teach someone how to be good at drawing or making 3D stuff. You can teach tools, methods and software but everything is down to the individual and how much they want to learn. Anything artistic tends to be trial and error in my opinion and you need to work at something constantly to get better, you need to do things over and over again to really learn how to do something well and efficiently.

I think this is something I have struggled with through out the 2nd year. We're encouraged to do things over and over again until we get good at it. We're given longer than needed for 3D as the idea is to make the project a few times so by the time you hand in you've made it better.
This just doesn't happen.

We're also encouraged to do lots of prep sketches and multiple finals for 2d. This doesn't tend to happen either.

But that isn't for lack of wanting. I really do want to get better but the projects do pile up and they do get on top of you and there is only so many hours in the day. If I worked really quickly then maybe I could fit it all in, but working quickly tends to mean working poorly. And I would rather take my time and learn more, than go quickly and make loads of mistakes.

No matter how much work I do, there is always more. Always things that can be redone or improved. It just doesn't end. I find this really demoralising, there is very little time to reflect and take stock of the work and what I may have got right or wrong.

I was expecting the 2nd year to be very much like the 1st, I wasn't expecting it to be easier because I already had a grasp of 3D etc. And in that sense I was right. There hasn't been much difference between the 2 years, apart from the group project. I was not prepared for that. When we first started the course I was really excited about the prospect of the group project, I thought it would be awesome and couldn't wait to get to the 2nd year and get stuck in. However every month it got closer from that point made me more apprehensive. In the end I was dreading it, for several reasons, non of which are of much interest to anyone but a psychologist maybe.

The group project turned out to be stressful but alright, but heavily based on 3D and I know I'm not the only one who let most of their 2D work slip during the 2 months spent on the group project. This was really frustrating for me as 2D is what I really want to be focusing on. So all my 2D projects from the last few weeks/months are awful and I know my grade is going to suffer badly for it. But I did learn that I'm actually a pretty good team player in a group. I gave everything to the group project and worked my ass off to get things right. I really wanted our project to look good and did everything I could to make that happen, so I'm quite proud of myself for that. Even if the project didn't really end up how we wanted.

Anyway, the 2nd year is all done, there have been some ups and downs along the way and I can't really believe its finished. I'm sure it only started like 2 months ago, time is just flying by, worryingly fast actually. I'm going to be looking for jobs before I know it. Maybe I can just live in the office under the desk? That sound good? Awesome.

As for next year...I just don't know yet. I don't like to plan ahead remember. I'll just take it as it comes. In the mean time I need a break for a week or something, my head is fried and I can't think straight. I've got a whole load of stuff I want to do throughout the summer break to keep me busy and moving in the right direction. Maybe I'll try keep up blogs through the summer about the various art related things I'm up I get marks for that? If not, maybe I won't.

Good bye 2nd year, you were a massive pain in my ass.

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